Let's start off this post with some context.
I'm coming off a highly emotional weekend. It involved a lot of driving, my angel college roommate's wedding, reuniting with friends, good food, and no sleep.
Last night, I found myself alone in my room for the first time in basically a whole week. For an introvert such as myself, when I finally came face-to-face with some alone time, I felt like I had just come back to earth after a loud, emotionally-charged concert. You know the feeling: ears ringing, heart full, maybe a little overwhelmed.
When I finally was alone, and quiet, it felt like all the emotions I felt over the weekend were there with me. Joy from watching my beautiful friend marry the love of her life. A little bittersweet feeling from remembering so many good times we had living together. Then back up that rollercoaster: joyful, surprising reunions with two of my best friends, and then, inevitably, the bittersweet nature of goodbyes.
I've said this a million times on my blog, but I find the Enneagram to be a really helpful tool in explaining + understanding myself. So that being said, I'm an Enneagram 4, and we've got a lot of emotions. Especially when it comes to these nuanced, gray-area, ups-and-downs emotions that I felt this weekend.
I say that as a disclaimer. Maybe it's just me, or others like me, who feels this way. But I think all of us can relate, at least a little, at least I hope you do.
Weddings, like the one I experienced this weekend, can be an intense, pressure-cooker version of reality when it comes to what I'm talking about in this post. Let me explain.
I was talking to my friend, Emma, a while ago about the weddings we've been to in the past couple of years. We were trying to process and understand the weird emotions that come out at weddings. It is often the happiest of days, filled with joy and love and hope and beauty. The strange flip-side to this is that they are also sometimes full of sad goodbyes, bittersweet transitions, fear of the future or the unknown.
I don't say that as a bad thing. Just calling attention to the ways in which life is a mixed bag.
If I had to give a straight answer about my favorite band + favorite song, I'd have to say A Little Bit of Everything by Dawes. I think about this song a lot, especially in moments like this.
Maybe this is the 4 in me talking, but I love the way life can be a little bit of everything. I love that I am lucky enough to have friends that I feel so saddened saying goodbye to, because it means I have people who love me + who I love in return. I love the tensions of life, the capacity we have to feel so much. I love the way we're able to laugh at funerals and cry at weddings.
It amazes me, the wide range of human emotion and our ability to feel all of it at once.
So last night I'm in my room, alone at last, feeling a little bit of everything. Happy, sad, thankful, hopeful, joyful, tender, soft, love + loved.
I wanted to write all of this down in case you maybe don't see the world quite like me, and one day find yourself confused by all the emotions you're feeling (not to say I'm never confused, trust me). I want you to know it's okay to feel a little bit of everything now and then. I want you to know that's what makes you beautifully, intricately, complexly human. I want you to feel safe and surrounded by a bunch of other complex humans who feel the same way sometimes.
Today, I'm feeling very thankful for weekends such as this one that make you feel more alive and loved than usual. For friendships that will last forever. And for you, here, reading this: thank you.
I hope today is a little bit of everything.
As always, follow me on Instagram for updates @emilyamartinblog or subscribe to my newsletter by clicking here. This post is dedicated to Dawes (the band) whose shows make me feel exactly a little bit of everything. Also to friendships near + far.
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